Sunday, July 15, 2012

Having a whinge

I dont talk to much about myself of this blog just what usually interests me, but something has really annoyed me and i thought i would write on here instead of keeping it inside, sure i can talk to my friends about it but still the anger stays there.

I have an illness that makes it hard for me to hold down a job which means i get money from the government, i had to have an assessment and it seems they want to try stopping me from getting this money as not all information was given. 

Im a quiet sort of person and dont go around whinging and bitching about how life sucks i get on with life and live it the best i can, but it seems by staying quiet and not whinging is the wrong thing to do, i now have to go and speak to other people and basically start crying to make them to feel sorry for me so i can continue to get help from the government and which also will not help what is wrong with me.

What pisses me off is that i see other people who get money from the government who could if they wanted to go and get a job but have been told that they dont need to cause of their illness's, the illness i have i didnt bring on myself it seems i got it at the wrong time as they didnt know how to fix it, if i had got it within the last 5 years i probably wouldnt have the problem i have and if i could change it i would love to get rid of it.

I should say when i first got it i went to many doctors and had that many tests that it took 2 years i felt like a guinea pig having tests done every 2-4 weeks and it was only by accident that they worked out what it was, which of course it had done damage, from there i didnt give up i still tried to find ways to get help and fix my problem but every specialist/doctor i spoke to didnt know how to help me this went on for another 5-6 years, now it is a slight problem which i fight each day, im not sure what else im supposed to do but fight it and stay strong which brings me back to my first point it seems i supposed to not be strong and live life forever crying, complaining and give in by killing myself which you dont need worry about i will never do it cause thats the easy way out.


Anonymous said...

I hear you! I'm in the same situation for years on disability and I'm a nurse. I have a mental illness and it's erratic, not at all easy to accept or live with. I am sad that my memory is so bad I have forgotten much of my nursing due to it, PTSD and 11 ECT treatments years ago. I hate living like this knowing I can earn money if I only could do nursing! So daily I just am depressed and always want to give up. I see the future as the same place I'm in at 44. I guess we just have to accept this day by day and try to make the most of it. I hate my mom having to financially help me as I lost my independence. Hang in there